All right, so there I am in my garden yesterday morning with this great coat because it’s September, yeah? Literally ten minutes later I feel like a turkey at Christmas. My wife’s laughing at me from the kitchen window. “Take your coat off, you muppet,” she screams.
This is Britain in September 2025. Nobody knows what’s going on anymore.
Now we’ve got half of the nation acting like complete nutters, thanks to this mini heatwave UK is experiencing. My neighbour Frank next door is mowing his lawn at seven in the morning, as it was too hot otherwise. That’s not normal, is it?
When Did September Become Spain?
I dropped the kids off at school this morning. The poor little sods have to wear blazers and ties while it’s 28 degrees out there. The headmaster’s walking around with sweat patches underneath his armpits like he’s really fed up.
“This is crazy,” says Julie, by the school gates. She’s got three screaming kids all telling her they’re too hot. Her youngest wondered if they could have a water fight in the playground. In September. Mad as a box of frogs.
The eldest came home yesterday, grumbling that the windows in his classroom do not open properly. They were made for regular British weather, not all this Spanish business we’re having.
The Weather’s Having a Laugh
So here’s what’s actually happening. There are temperatures over 30 degrees in some areas. London’s getting the worst of it, with mid-30s expected. That’s hotter than most summer holidays.
My brother, Dave, works for the weather people. He phoned me last night, all excited. “This summer’s been the hottest one yet,” he says. “16.10 degrees average. That’s bonkers.”
He’s been watching the weather for 15 years now.” He says he’s never seen the likes of it. The sea temperature is mental as well. That would be 20 degrees off the south coast. That’s like having a bath.
Everyone’s Losing Their Minds
I popped to B&Q this morning for some screws. Half the car park’s melted. The staff seem like they’re about to cry. One bloke’s attempting to buy a paddling pool in September. The checkout girl just shrugs. “Third one today,” she says.
The fans are sold out at the garden centre down the road. Fans! In September! My mate Tony owns the place. He is over the moon but also very puzzled. “Ought to be selling Christmas trees by now, not cooling systems,” he says to me.
Record-Breaking Stuff
This isn’t just warm weather. It’s proper record-breaking business. In Kent, the hottest day of summer came in at 35.8 degrees. That’s nearly as hot as the famous 1976 summer everyone bangs on about.
So my dad is still talking about 1976 like it was last week. “Now that was a proper summer,” he declares every five minutes. Well, Dad, I’d say it looks like this year is really giving that one a fair run for its money.
The Met Office people are getting excited about all their broken records. The most remarkable thing, and probably the most interesting thing to happen to them since sliced bread.
The Great Shopping Confusion
I popped into Asda yesterday. The seasonal clothes section looks like a bomb’s gone off. People are buying shorts and t-shirts next to Halloween decorations. Makes no sense whatsoever.
The woman at the till was shaking her head. “Yesterday they wanted woolly jumpers. Today it’s flip-flops and sun cream. I don’t know if I’m coming or going.”
My wife bought ice lollies and hot soup in the same shop. That pretty much sums up where everyone’s heads are at.
Nature’s Having a Breakdown Too
The mini heatwave UK has completely confused every living thing. My roses are blooming like it’s June. The apple tree’s dropping fruit because it’s too hot. Even the bloody wasps don’t know what to do with themselves.
Saw a hedgehog yesterday afternoon just wandering about, looking lost. They should be getting ready for winter, not sunbathing in my flower bed.
The birds have given up trying to figure it out. There’s a robin in my garden that looks properly fed up with the whole situation.
The Pub Test
Want to know the best way to judge any weather situation? Check your local pub. The beer garden at the Red Lion’s packed again. Thought they’d put the tables away for winter. Now they’re serving cold drinks like it’s the August bank holiday.
Big Tony, the landlord looks chuffed but confused. “Ordered winter ales last week. Now everyone wants ice-cold lager. Don’t know whether to laugh or cry.”
Schools Are Melting
My kids’ school sent a text yesterday. “Please send water bottles and sun hats.” Sun hats! In September! When did we start needing a Spanish summer kit for the autumn term?
The teachers look absolutely done in. They’re opening windows that haven’t been opened since July. Some classrooms are hitting 35 degrees inside. That’s not learning weather; that’s oven weather.
The Climate Reality
Here’s the serious bit, though. This isn’t just weird weather anymore. It’s the new normal. Britain’s getting warmer every year. About a quarter of a degree per decade, according to the science people.
2025, 2023, 2022, 2018. All the hottest summers since records began in 1884. That’s not a coincidence. That’s climate change doing its thing whether we like it or not.
Making the Most of It
Still, most people are just trying to enjoy the madness while complaining about how confusing everything’s become. That’s the British way, isn’t it?
Ice cream vans are back out, making a killing. Garden centres are selling summer plants again. Everyone’s acting like Christmas has been cancelled and July’s come back for another go.
The Bottom Line
So there we are. September 2025. The month that completely lost its mind and decided to be summer instead. Mental, brilliant, and typically British all rolled into one sweaty, confused mess.
My advice? Dig out the shorts, buy some ice cream, and just go with it. Because, knowing British weather, it’ll be snowing next week.
